Saying Goodbye

Last Monday, our family unexpectedly lost one of our dogs to a seizure disorder.  Lucky was 11 and we'd had him for 9 years. He was a beautiful full-bred golden retriever that we got through Romeoville Animal Control.

The seizures started with just one on a Friday and then by a week ago Sunday it was clear that something serious was happening. Trying to balance between doing our jobs and being here for our dog and our kids was very difficult.

When we were in college, Steve and I lost a puppy to the parvo virus. That was hard but it was nothing compared to the loss of losing Lucky.

Dogs bring so much to our lives. They teach us about unconditional love, how to have fun, what it means to just sit and be, etc.

One of the hardest parts in all of this has been the reaction from our other dog, Harley. The day Lucky died, he wouldn't come near Lucky's collar. He hasn't been eating very well, even up to today. He will barely leave my side, though he's always been more of a "mama's boy" then Lucky ever was.

Lucky really became our oldest son, Justin's, dog. So, you can imagine how hard it was for me when I had to call and tell him that Lucky was dying. Justin was able to come home from college in NY but, sadly, Lucky died 10 minutes before Justin got to him. Our youngest, Ryan, said to me, "Mom, maybe Justin wasn't meant to be here when Lucky died. Maybe God knew he couldn't handle seeing him struggle."

Wow! Don't you just love it when your kids see things you aren't able to see?

If you've ever had a pet die, you know how our family is feeling right now.  It seems there is a moment in every day when something makes me think of Lucky and, just when I think I'm okay, I start to cry. First it was a guy with a golden retriever who drove past me, then it was looking at the spot in our bedroom where he use to lay, then it was seeing an old picture of him from the year we first got him.

I am convinced that God gave us pets so we could learn what it means to take care of someone other than ourselves; so we could learn what it means to love unconditionally - something we humans don't seem to be too good at when it comes to each other.

Today, we received Lucky's ashes. Yes, I cried and then I pulled out the ashes from two of our other dogs — Speck and Ebony – and I remembered them and the good times we had together.

Saying goodbye is never easy. But, as I told Ryan, maybe one of the reasons why dogs don't live as long as humans is so we can practice saying goodbye. And another, so we can take the love we had for one pet and give it to a new one who might desperately need it too.

Yep, that's what I'm going with. So, when we're ready, I know God will bring another dog into our lives and I know we'll love him or her as much as we loved Speck, Ebony, and Lucky and as much as we still love Harley.

But, for now, I'm just going to keep trying to say goodbye until it becomes real for me.