Bullying - When Will it End?

I just got home from another meeting where we talked about the epidemic of bullying and discussed what we can do to combat it. I listened to some really good experts and some local people who really care about the issue and our kids.  What I didn't see were community members, teachers, administrators, etc. Let me say up front, I'm not complaining, just observing.

I've been reading and studying the issue of bullying for a little over a year now, on a more intense level. Certainly I was aware of bullying before that but I really started to educate myself on it over the last year. As the pastor of a church that is welcoming to the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community, I've seen the pain that bullying can cause in people's lives — and not just children's lives.

Lest we adults get all high and mighty, let me ask you — where do you think children first learn to bully? Are they born that way? I don't think so. Like so many other "gifts" that we give our children, things like racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, etc., bullying is just another learned behavior that comes from a learned attitude.

One thing I've learned in my life, in part through my faith tradition's Holy Book (yep, the Bible - Romans 12:2-New Living Translation) is that our thoughts become our attitudes, and our attitudes become our behaviors. So, if we think someone is "less than us," this becomes part of our attitude and, sadly, too often this attitude becomes our behavior — how we treat others.

There is a wonderful quote from Archbishop Desmond Tutu, "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

As adults, when we see someone in our workplace or hobby clubs or social groups being bullied, do we stand up and tell the bully to stop? Or do we chime in?  Do we say nothing because we're afraid of what people will think of us? What might the person being bullied think of us if we stood up for them?

As the mother of three kids, I pray that I've taught them to treat others with respect. I hope they've learned from me and my husband that no one is "less than them" and that ALL God's children deserve the same love, respect, and fair treatment as they do.

I wonder, tonight, as I read about more suicides of kids being bullied, what will it take for us to end this? Do we really care? Are we really ready to put our money where our mouths are? Are we ready to hold our politicians, educators, parents, and students accountable for the things they say ... and do?

I'm no angel. I sometimes joke with people that "I don't smoke. I don't do drugs.  I rarely drink. My only outlet is road rage." Now, I don't do anything with the road rage ... I just say bad things in my car to myself — that's why the windows are almost always rolled up:-).

I really don't ever remember a time when I bullied someone, but I sure know what it's like to be bullied. In high school, as the new kid and one who was in theater and choir, along with a pretty progressive mindset in a not-so-progressive town, I dealt with my share of bullying. In fact, there were times I wondered how much more I could take. Were it not for my friends in the theater and choir departments, and my faith, I don't know what I would have done.

Even now, as an adult, I've certainly dealt with my share of bullies.  It's not fun to have someone belittle you or verbally assault you or pick on you because you are "different." By the way, what the heck does that even mean? Who decides what is "different?" How do you know that I'm "different?" Maybe you're the one who is "different." Just kidding. But hopefully you get my point.

I'm 43 years old. Bullying for me was much different than the bullying our kids are dealing with today. It is non-stop, thanks to our wonderful technological advances like cell phones, the Internet, etc.

Bullying - when will it end?  I'm not sure of the answer to that.

Here's what I know —we ALL need to start treating each other with more respect and care. We need to hold our public figures to a higher standard when it comes to the words they use and the behaviors they demonstrate. When we see bullying in our lives, we need to stand up against it. We need to teach our kids to stand up against it too. We need to empower our kids to know that "different" isn't a bad thing. God made us all "different" for a purpose. Just think how boring this world would be if we all looked the same, believed the same, acted the same, etc.

But, even in our differences, I believe we can find unity. Yep, I'm an optimist.  How about you?